Utopian Uruguay, the ‘Switzerland of South America’

January 23, 2019, Montevideo, Uruguay — Go get another cup of coffee. This is a long one. Especially considering Uruguay is the second smallest country in South America (after Suriname).

Be honest. What do you know about Uruguay? All I knew was, it’s a country in south South America and not to be confused with Paraguay. One of the most important things to know, I deduced from our excellent guide, Alicia: It is a small country (think Oklahoma) lodged between two very large countries (Brazil and Argentina), and while her neighbors have quantity (land mass, population, natural resources), Uruguay has quality. So much so, that it has become a popular ex-pat retirement destination.

Conde Nast Traveler described Uruguay as a country ‘frozen in amber.’ If you don’t want a ‘Why we should all move to Uruguay’ lecture, I won’t be too hurt if you skip to the photos.

• Montevideo, the capital, does not get its name from a Spanish sailor up the mizzenmast yelling: ‘I see a hill!’ The cartographer onboard said ship drew a map of the coastline and designated said hill as ‘Monte VI d e o’ — hill six from east to west.

• The city was first settled by the Portuguese, but in 1723, having already founded Buenos Aires across the river in Argentina, Spain took over in order to have another port on the Río de la Plata, thus, on the Atlantic. At its mouth, the Plata is the widest river in the world — 150 miles. Since now I’ve been on both sides of this estuary, I can confirm that it is consistently brown.

• Argentina gained independence from Spain in 1810. Brazil, from Portugal in 1822. Uruguay became independent in 1830 after a succession of countries had tried to control it: Portugal, Spain, Argentina and Brazil!

• In the early 1900s, many immigrants came from northern Italy and northern Spain (Basque country, Catalunya, Galicia and the Canary Islands).

• Of the country’s 3.5 million people, some 1.5 million live in the capital, Montevideo. They enjoy a high quality of life — there are few super rich people (they’re elsewhere in South America), and most are in the middle middle or upper middle class.

• A mortgage is cheaper than rent, so most people own their home. The gov’t helps with loans. If you can’t prove you can eventually pay back the loan, you don’t get the loan.

• A typical middle class income is $2,000 dollars a month. Six percent goes to health care for a family, or 3% if you don’t have children. A doctor’s appointment costs $7, a test costs a max of $40, each Rx, no matter what, costs $5. Hospitalization is free, as are mandatory mammograms and gynecological exams. People fly here from other countries for medical care.

• By law, there are not supposed to be any salt cellars on tables in restaurants — to reduce high blood pressure. (There was one on our table at lunch... but no pepper.) And schools are not allowed to sell junk food.

• Education is mandatory and free in public schools. Private universities exist (and cost) for less-gifted students, and are easier. Our guide’s three daughters paid nothing for their degrees: one is a veterinarian, one a doctor and one a teacher. Unfortunately, because of its small size, there is not enough employment for these well-educated graduates, so they leave the country.

• The government gives students free laptops and free internet. The elderly get free tablets and classes, and with an income under $1,000 a month, free movies, Facebook, and e-mail so they stay connected.

• Most Uruguayans say they are Catholic... but few go to church.

• Abortion and same-sex marriage are legal. Many people don’t bother to officially marry — 5 years creates a common-law marriage.

• In our lifetime, Uruguay experienced a coup and was under a civic-military dictatorship from 1973-1985, when civilian government reemerged. Today it is a democratic constitutional republic. Its current government is Socialist and the current president is an oncologist. Or maybe he’s a gynecologist.

• Voting in elections is mandatory, so 98% turn out to vote, or face a fine.

• It has the lowest poverty level in South America.

• 95% of its electricity comes from dams, wind turbines, and solar.

• Main exports are BEEF, BEEF and more BEEF, dairy products, plus some wool, soy, corn, rice and timber (esp. eucalyptus). Cattle outnumber people 4:1. Their beef is considered excellent because the animals all live outdoors, eat only grass, drink only fresh water and walk but don’t climb hills (which makes for tougher meat).

• ‘Trace-ability”: If you pick up a package of beef in the market, you can scan a label with your phone to find out exactly where that steak comes from. Beef is shipped LIVE to Arab countries.

• Tourism is a large part of their economy. ATMs let you choose to get pesos or U.S. dollars.

• And if all this isn’t enough: In 2013 it legalized the cultivation, sale and consumption of marijuana. And CARNIVAL lasts 45 DAYS!

I chose to spend my ‘shore time’ in the charming town of Colonia del Sacramento, on the Rio de la Plata, about 2 hours outside Montevideo. We visited the Barrio Historico, a UNESCO World Heritage Site, established by the Portuguese in 1680 as a port for their galleons filled with the purloined gold you now know all about. And silver. ‘Plata’ means silver. In the usual black-and-forth, Spain took over Colonia in 1724.

There’s not too much left of the original settlement...